How do I deal with a gender identity problem? I look very masculine yet I don't like being seen that way?

What a hard thing to deal with! You will find someone who loves you for who you are, not all because of your body type. Get in shape, if you are that serious about toning down the big guy look. Show you are sensitive through your behaviors.(smile, be real friendly, caring, good listener) Let people get to really know you and see that there is more to you than a rough exterior. Learn to accept the cards you were dealt. I really am sorry to hear you are struggling with your self-image. I wish the best for you.